This podcast will help shed light on the minutia from the mind and space of a black husband, father, son, uncle, and brother. Trying to answer, Why to BIG questions that keep me up at night. While also having everyday conversations with friends and family going back to my days living at home as a military kid. There’s always something on my mind, and this space is teaching me how to use it for exactly what it is. Another Pod Opinion!!!
Twitter - @NBCThisisUs
Miguel
This Is Us
This podcast will help shed light on the minutia from the mind and space of a black husband, father, son, uncle, and brother. Trying to answer, Why to BIG questions that keep me up at night. While also having everyday conversations with friends and family going back to my days living at home as a military kid. There’s always something on my mind, and this space is teaching me how to use it for exactly what it is. Another Pod Opinion!!!
Twitter - @NBCThisisUs
Miguel
This Is Us
It's another pod opinion with your host Lincoln Bradshaw, episode number nine. I know I've been going for a while I apologize about that. But you know, to summer, kids are out of school trying to keep them cats busy. But today's episode, just kind of started talking about the things that are important. And part of that was the show that I watch with my wife and my family. This is us. Not going into a long drawn out breakdown of the entire show, I'm only touching on an episode, and parts of it, the parts that were important to me. So I just wanted to share this with you. And it's the Miguel episode and as part of the season finale. So just spoilers, just so you know, they're in the show, but I hope you enjoy it. There we go. I've been wanting to do a show, or have a discussion about time, and the time that we have. And whatever that however much that may be, and I'm only bringing this up is my wife got me involved. Or per se, my wife got me hooked on a show called This Is Us. And we watched this show. We enjoyed this show. And the episode that particularly brought it all together was the Miguel episode. Now I'm not sure if any of you have watched it spoilers out there. If you haven't watched it, then yes, this is probably going to ruin it for you. It may ruin it. It may not I'm not 100% Sure. But I will tell you this will tell you that that particular show, or that particular episode, just reminded me of all the things that we have, and how fast it goes. And I'm only saying this now because now that I'm Father, I've got four kids. And I go to church on Sundays. And when I look at the kids that are coming up now, my nieces and my nephews and my kids per se, and I remember when, you know, my kids who are now the teenagers, were the little ones. Right. And then I also remember being one of the youngest families. And then, you know, I also remember going to church with my parents and looking up to you know, my aunts and my uncles and the people that we you know, congregated with. And now I'm seeing that as a reflection. That, you know, we're really not promised tomorrow on our time is is this is all we got, like literally there's no there's no second go around. I mean, this is not about spirituality is not about necessarily what you are, don't believe or what you don't believe in. If you're a person that believes in reincarnation, um, I definitely don't believe in that I think God was smart enough. A man who created this entire world, I think is smart enough not to recycle soul. So take that forever, take that for whatever it's worth. I'm country, Puerto Rico. And when you watch the episode, from the beginning to the end, not only do you get understanding who the man was, but you but as I'm just saying, from the standpoint as being a person of a certain age, I'm able to reflect and I'm able to, I'm able to see that it's more important to have the experiences that I had, that I need to have with the people that are important to me, then you know, anything else and that means, you know, we're taking more trips to go see family we're trying to be more involved with, with those who are like, you know, our church family and our regular families, it's important that our kids know who my cousins were, and you know, you know, make sure that they try to stay tight. And you know, because you want them to have a sense of who those people are as they grow up. They're not going to have the same relationship that I had with my cousin but you want them to have their bond, whatever their bond is going to be. So in me and my wife have taken it to the point that we've thought about moving back to North Carolina, or you know, or moving to a buffer between her family in Indiana and my family in North Carolina. Thinking about all of this, right? And also putting in perspective and trying to understand ourselves and quantify the importance of our time. I mean, everybody looks at it differently. I mean, some people may not be thinking about tomorrow, but I can tell you this, you know, having an understanding of watching that, this particular episode, and just from a beginning in standpoint, I want as many years as I can possibly get. You know, I really do. I mean, I think most people agree with that. And I know, some will say, Well, you know, we've I have all my I don't have all my faculties. I'm like, Man, I don't care about all that. Did I want to I mean, I want to be around as long as I can be around faculties or not, you know, because you really only get this one opportunity, and you never know, what conversation you're going to have with your grandkids, or future grandkids, or possibly, if you live long enough, great grandkids, you know, I was able to go back to North Carolina pretty recently. And, you know, I just found out there was a member in our family who just recently died when I say recent, like, within the last five to six years, recently died, and they were like, 100, they live to be over 100. Now, I mean, I mean, it's just that I wish I would have, I wish I would have had the opportunity to meet that person. Because Because at some point in time, I'm I, you know, Lord willing, you know, I would want to be able to say that I made it to that, you know, to be able to live long enough to not only be able to see, you know, hopefully your children's children, depending on how old you were when you started having kids. Because it is absolutely, it is absolutely beyond me. How I am just now coming to this realization of the things that should be really important. And spiritually, I think we're pretty sad, but just just, you know, your family, and being able to see the places that you grew up, like, like right now, I told my wife, I said, next summer, I said, next summer, or within the next year, we are going back to, you know, the place that I live when I was a kid when I was when we lived in Germany, parents are stationed over there. And I said, we need to do that. And in the process of wanting to do that my cousin's you know, on my mom's side, and it's you know, that that whole story is interesting, too, because, you know, I really don't have, I have one. I have one cut two, I have to cut three cousins on my dad's side. You know, my youngest uncle didn't have kids. My in you know, my dad's the oldest, he had three boys, my youngest, my middle, the second, the second oldest, my uncle basil, he had, he had three children, but I only kind of don't really know each other. Like, we never we didn't hang out like that. And it's kind of weird on my dad's side. But on my mom's side is like, man, there's like, there's, you know, there's, there's the we have the originals. And then we have a couple that came out that I came a little bit later, like, we have an original crew. But, you know, I digress. But back to what I was saying, like, no, it's important that, you know, I want them to take these trips, because I want them to be able to see these, these things that were important to me. And plus, not only that, I want them to be able to know, I want them to be able to hey, you know, my dad lived there, you know, great, you know, pass, you know, my dad and I speaking to the parents, like my dad and I have a very weird relationship. And I recently tried to recently reached out and we, you know, we started trying to correct some things. And we had some pretty harsh we had some pretty hard conversations. But you know, it was important to have that conversation because there's a lot of things that I just had questions about that I was like, you know, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm gonna be the adult here. And, you know, it's weird because, you know, it's, it's just weird. How my dad is so hands off. And I asked him about that he was straight up, man, he told me like, he didn't pull any punches. And because, you know, I asked him I said, Hey, I got some questions. You go, Hey, man, because I got answers. If you're okay with the answers, I'm gonna be honest with you. And that's just kind of how he is it's and it's just it's not necessary as a matter of fact, and I've been on it but it's Nevermind, I digress. But so I asked him I said in the you know, the one question I asked him And it was just, I was just curious. I said, Why don't you teach me? Cars? Like why don't you teach me how to work on engines now, little context of this particular story. My dad, my grandfather, passed away very young. Okay, my dad and him, I guess, had this relationship where they like to work on cars. Okay. My dad was like a senior in high school, when my grandfather passed away, and it's, and it wasn't until recently that I learned about the story. Like I already I always knew that he had passed away. But I didn't understand the context of that story. And, and I and my dad told me, he goes, You know, when I asked him another question, I let them I go, grandfather, whatever. But the story he told me about my grandfather is like, you know, he's told he told me that, you know, he remembers specifically, you know, his father not feeling well, and him taking him to the hospital. You know, there was some heart issues on this side, on that side of the family, like, you know, my grandfather's brother, a couple of his brothers, and man died of a massive heart attack very young. And so, you know, my dad, my grandpa, my dad was really telling me, yeah, my, you know, he wasn't feeling well. And he took him to the hospital, took him to the hospital. And, you know, lo and behold, like, you know, my dad was telling me like, they had, they were waiting. And, you know, and, you know, he just kept saying, my dad, and my dad was just kept saying, you know, his father was uttering, you know, I'm not feeling words, you're on my chest, you know. And so he was just trying in the way my dad was telling the story, it kind of almost sounded like my, my grandfather was trying to muscle through it. But he was he was just, he just really, he just really couldn't like he, you know, back then. I mean, that's 1919 6919 70, something like that, where, you know, again, my grandfather was a person of color. But he wasn't very dark. You know, I just didn't you just don't know. So my dad was telling me, he says, he took him to the hospital, they went and saw him. And then he says, you know, he wasn't back there very long. And then, you know, they said, How have him go home and sleep it off or whatever. And my dad just kind of thought that was weird. You know, he just said, and he's like, okay, and, you know, in my, in my, my dad was saying that his father was telling him, he goes, Yeah, I'm just gonna do a doctor says, and so he went home in the very next day, my dad was, I guess this had to be a Sunday. Because my next day, my dad said, Yeah, I had to go to school, he was telling me how you had to go to school. And as he was getting ready, he was leaving, you know, he was like, you know, he, I don't know how he forgot why don't know what can't remember the details of it. But the short of it is, is he was saying how he was getting ready. And his dad is telling him, I'm not feeling well again. And he takes him to the hospital, again, with this is like, within the next day or so, takes him to the hospital again, and drops him off. And he goes in there and he's waiting. And you say like that I gotta go to school. And so he leaves, he goes to school. And then my dad gets to school, something happens, whatever. And then next thing, you know, within the course of the day, or of course, in our school, calls him down. And he says he's walking down the hallway. And he says he didn't know anything was wrong, until he walked around the hallway. And he saw his brother basil sitting there. He said, Something's wrong. And he said he saw him sitting there. And I can't remember he said, it was cramping. He knew something was wrong, but he just, and it's kind of almost like he, my dad, inherently maybe had thought like, Okay, this is gonna be bad. Like, I dropped my dad off. This can't be what I think it is. And so no, they tell him his father's dead. And my dad is like, you know, again, he was pretty close with the man. Right? That's the context. As long as drawn out. That was that's the context in that story. But the question to him was, as I asked him, I said, Why don't you teach me how to be a mechanic when because my dad is, you know, my dad, my dad knows cars, motorcycles, if it has an engine, it doesn't matter. Like my dad was in the military, and he was an enlisted but he was a big time mechanic. You know, back in the day, like on the fighter jets, like that was my dad was, you know, he was in charge. This is how big time and this is my one claim to fame that I'm really super proud about. There was a if you're a military person, and you understand what's going on in the military, and you're a military kid, and you've ever lived overseas, and you remember, you know, if you have a parent or someone who was a pilot or worked in that area, then you'll know what happened with the night with the F 16 shaping incident that they had with the plane like in the early 80s. And that whole deal and My dad was one of you not just a few guys like the best minds in the military to try to figure this thing out. And I think that was super. I think that's super dope, right? That's super cool. Like, but I grew up not knowing, like I literally knew nothing. My dad spent no time with me. Like, my dad didn't teach me a whole lot, you know? And he even said, you know, and I asked him why. And this was his answer. He says, Charles, you weren't? I wasn't interested in doing the things that you were interested in doing. And I was like, wait, what? They caught me off guard. I don't know what to say. I'm being dead on. Like, when he said that. I was I was not. I was not shocked. I was more shocked that he was able to say it out loud. And he told me for real, like, they this is what it is. I'm good with that. But I was I guess I'm more shocked at the fact that he knows it. And he just, I guess, either he was aware, he just like, I just don't want to do that. And my dad had me, let's be honest. He was he was young. Right? My dad was 19 when he had me, right. And so you know, I'm growing up. You know, when I'm 10. He's, he's like, 29. You know, like, he don't want he not wanting to be by I guess he didn't want to be bothered with like me, like teaching me how to play catch, like anything and everything athletically that I wanted to do. It was on my own. That never took me to the cages. I was like, man, I was like, he told me because I didn't like because because because I was not interested in it. It's like, the crazy thing about that statement is, well, you're the parent and on the child, you know, part of when kids are growing up, kids emulate their parents, kids, you know, pick the things that their parents are teaching him and they start grabbing onto him Are they like, that's just not me. You know? That child is more like that parent. This shows me like, oh, whatever the case may be. But I promise you, I mean, I remember, my dad and my dad had to cut my dad had a couple of smoking rides back in the day. And one caught on fire. And he sold it got another one. You know, and then you know, my dad had a 65 or 66 Impala. And, you know, he left it, because we were moving to Germany. And I was like, and I asked, I said, Why did you let the car go? He goes, the people sold the property as like, the storage place that we were storing our stuff. They I guess either went out of business, or they sold something because the city built the freeway, I don't know. Can't remember, all I know is that my dad had to make a decision. And because we were in Germany, I guess he didn't have he didn't call back and say, Hey, man, can you go get? Or you know, I'm like, I'm like, why don't you just let it go. And that's kind of my dad's been telling my dad is like, you know, whatever. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't know, where he and I, and I, it blows my mind. Because I remember when I was kind of like that, you know, I kind of just, you know, I just didn't really care about much, or whatever the case may be, or I was so Oh, so and so involved with myself and all I care about myself, it was it was detrimental to my social relationships, like to the people that I was hanging out with. And that that same all that stuff. You know, growing up with all of that. I mean, I'm just like, Man, I just You look back and you and I'm literally thinking of the person that I truly want to be. And the person I truly want my kids to remember me as right like you everybody, like I love that dude, I love the fact that you know, every that my kid that my youngest son I'm I think I'm like his biggest hero. And uh, you know, like you want your kid all your kids to be but it's like, it's that one child. That when you go to like when you go meet the teachers and talk to the teachers or whatever the case may be or you see something that they did in school, the teachers and the people that are yet your child's your, your child's biggest hero is their is their father or their parent. And I love that about my youngest son like he has the biggest heart and it just amazes me how selfless that kid is, like when he's gone he's gonna grow up as like, you know, I want to know what he's going to be like, but I also start thinking about that time like the time that he that I have him it's going so fast that I keep telling myself like I literally just want it I would give you know again I would give anything for it to stop for it to slow down. But then again, you know, being selfish. That wouldn't even be enough but then I really like so that more can start you know you know because you want Time, you know, you gotta Max because you want to be able to, you know, you want to make sure that you're not just taking advantage of the time or what is it, you want to make the time count, and not count the time. And there was a time, you know, I was counting the time. But I was counting the time in a way that it was making me more aware of how much more time I have left. And then taking it from there, to understanding that you get one shot, enjoy the fruits of whatever you have. And maybe I'm just late to the party. Who knows. I mean, I don't know, part of me used to think that this was maybe a midlife crisis, I did not know what was happening. All I know is I just kept remembering, I just kept thinking about things. And then, you know, I got hooked on this as us. And, you know, watching the McGill episode, and you know, that last season, that last season, they wrap that show up so great. And you know, the biggest thing that I was thinking of is, like everybody has had this as a story to see for generations of families to see four generations of one family. And not only that, but I'm just happy to be a part of a family that has five generations. My second older cousin, Kevin, he happens to have five generations. My grandmother, his mom, him, he has a daughter, and then he has a granddaughter, or he has a grand son. I mean, to see five generations in it, but the thing about it is, is when you're in that when you're either at the bottom of that you're never looking up seeing what they're seeing. But when you're on the top, and you're looking down, and it's like all you can see and all you can imagine is I'm not going to be a part of that, I'm not going to be a big part of their story, or what they're going to have like, and again, you know, to see in perspective, how this is us wrapped up one person's story by telling showing you from beginning to end how he came from Puerto Rico, he parents took him away from his friends to a new place, adapt became the best possible person he could be. Had a family tried to keep it together but the story is unraveling and he has kids and then his kids have kids. And then next thing you know, you know he's married you know and how his story how it comes to the end is he is with the person that he loves. And he truly is there with that individual. Even through her even through her most hardest difficult times. And she and you know, you know again spoiler for those who know the show know that she outlives him but the crazy thing about it she forever has that memory of him even though he is gone. And my wife and I we have been making it a point as we spend more time together we take walks every night and we make sure we end it's like our own little debrief. It's our own little time that we sit there like we're whatever we're doing like we're thinking about all kinds of crazy stuff if you if me and my wife have thought about starting a YouTube channel because we sit literally sit on our back porch late at night we did over the summer and we would just sit there and jam out and just sit there and just jam out and just listen to music like listen to you know the whatever playlist is on on on on Apple Music that's like from the 80s in the 90s like a combination of both the what we like my my my wife was loves Whitney Houston she big Whitney Houston fan because her mom used to used to just sing have Whitney Houston playing when she was a kid. God rest her soul. You know, my wife lost her mother. So very, very young. Like she was like six years old. And to lose a parent, I can't imagine that then but I can now and I noticed that I came to that realization when when I went to college and I've been with my folks for pretty much most of my life and then I you know, on my way to California on the way to university, do my thing. Right? And halfway through my first semester, dude I was having like nightmares I was like, I was like, why am I having nightmares about something happening to my mom? Because you know, and I kept with scholars like Is everything okay? You know, I wouldn't why wouldn't cry waking up crying but I was like, Man, this is crazy, I need to call my mom because what happened was like it was having these nightmares about my mom something happening to her like, like for like a week, it was freaking me out. But one thing that I took away from that is that it is that I'm understanding that at some point in time, I'm going to have to be okay, because I am going to have to bury a parent. Now the question is not so what do you do after you bear, but it's like, you recognize where you're at in the timeline, when you have no more parents to bury. And so like I said, before, everybody has it, this is a story. And not really sure how I want to do it. But I would love I would love for people to know, not only where they're from, or, you know, their background, but also would love to know, you know, what are you guys are doing to make the time count with your loved ones and those who are important to you. I mean, some folks are, you know, Have you have you as anyone, you know, are you that person that has like, you know, only deal with people who want to deal with me, and you have some broken relationships and you're not trying to fix them. I will say right now and say if you do you need to turn that you need to change that you need to flip that. The power part about that is I've tried that. I've tried that. And it it kind of blew up in my face. But the thing that I took from that is I tried I seriously put forth a huge effort and to try to mend some of the relationships that I have just within my family. And you know, I'm sharing this with you guys just from the standpoint that you know, it is is hard to see like the see your own fame like your own brothers and sisters and you know, parents, like, why is there so much tension, like what is going on? Like there's some stuff going on? Like I was like, you know, I want to talk about this. I'm like, man, we can't start cracking up like this is a reality TV show. Quick with some of the stuff that if I would tell you you will be like, Man, that is crazy. It is absolutely crazy. And my youngest brother, you know, I love him. God bless his soul. But that cat man, he's, you want you want the best for people. You want the best for your family members. And it's amazing. When you know they think that you don't you know or whatever the case may be the one thing that I do know is is is by people we have been brainwashed. I am not gonna lie about that. We have been brain washed breasts and sisters. We have been brainwashed. Like there's a straight banana and tailpipe moment, check it out. Why is it? Like think about it deep down? Why do you think sometimes black folks don't just inherently trust each other because we weren't because we were we were programmed to think like that, like you literally have to take that out of your head. Like he got to take that out of your head. Like literally people like people have been in nearly just, like just sometimes we've used to talk to a man like you hear the convert, like doing business or there's like it's just don't trust one another. That's got to stop. You gotta be able to trust each other and you gotta believe that the people that are close to you, Bill got your back. And it's crazy. Like I said, man, like, I don't know what I don't know what I would call it but if I can if I could put this on TV. My family, man my brother, they would it would be nuts. It would be absolutely it would get the Kardashians definitely a run for their money. You know? Because y'all doing what, what? What are they doing down there? Anyways, but about when we talk about time, it's it's, I hope you guys understand that no matter what happens you know you, you understand you really truly only get this one and I hope that every single one of you out there is taking advantage of those moments. Because you can can't get them back. You literally cannot. And I and I grapple with that, because we just got back from seeing my family in North Carolina and my daughter in West Virginia. You know, we went, when we got off the plane, I told my kids and I told the family, I said, Look, we gotta you have to maximize this time, we got to make it count. I said, take all the pictures you want, you know, capture every moment you can. Because we're now here. And then before you know it, we're going back home. And we got to make this time count with everybody. And it's hard because, you know, we, you know, when you see when, you know, when you when I saw my grandmother for you know, she had a birthday party, it's hard to see the woman, you know, who used to be this towering figure over you and your child just kind of wither away, she has Alzheimer's, and it's, it's hard to see her. But you know what I do, because it's important that my kids see her that my kids got to know her. And this is a reflection, again, of what my parents would bring me back to see my great grandmother. And how time the hat and how the time has flew. And how now, I've explained it to them how important time is and how we have to be able to be a part of this as much as you can. But for them, you know, their kids to understand that, you know, you know, she's got Alzheimer's, you know, you know, how much are they going to really, you know, they can just do it, or they can do you know, and it's funny, because my older boys, the only one that really got that that knew her when she was at her when she still had all her faculties. But he was so small, he was like one years old. And there was a picture that I didn't even realize it was there was around, but you know, he saw it's an it's a great shot. And you can see her holding him and him laughing and then playing. And then the thought of all of that is, you know, make the time count, you only get one shot. This wasn't really a plug for this as this was just more of a reflection moment, because I wanted to talk about this show for a minute. And if you're a person who likes a good TV show, I mean, you should check it out if you haven't already checked it out. I mean, it's a great watch. And it's also a show that gives you that perspective that when you see a life from beginning to end, you know, on one of the greatest shows that I've seen in the past few years. I mean, you really start to think about, you know, what am I doing to make the memories that I have with my children? Matter? And am I then also, you know, not just that but also the things that I want to do. Like in you know, me, my wife, we've talked about it, there have been conversations where, you know, headhunters have reached out and asked me and I was like, you know, I don't know if I wanted to go and do the nine to five grind anymore. I mean, I love doing the job I love doing. I love being an aerospace. I love that job. I love doing planning. I love project management. I mean, I invested time going and get a master's degree using that sucker to give me give me the jobs that I wanted. But now I'm thinking myself, do I want to keep doing that? And about I guess there's a buffer. I mean, you've got to figure out what that media what that what that what that happy medium is going to be. And right now, I'm having too much fun on the creative side of things as far as creating content, doing some other things looking at some other opportunities, but I hope you liked the show. I mean, to know the power of painting you ain't gotta like my opinion, but you got to respect it.